The Feeling Is Back

1st of May is a Labour day and also the day of mi been attached. After the last relationship, i always wanted to love someone again but i could not feel love at all. I was scare, scare that did the last relationship affect mi that much and deep. So have been flirting around and also finding someone that can bring this feeling back to mi. 1st May i found the one. Its back to mi and it feel so good. Love that feeling so much and love him too. Cant confirm will it last long but i will work hard and make it forever. Ethan! Jiayou!

Why?

Just now was looking through the NewsFeed of facebook and got a bad news. Jason's house got rob. Was so shock and worry and scare, but i dunno why i will have that feeling. My heart suddenly pump fast and lots of thought running in my mind. Mood went down and down and down. Gosh~ what happen man. Lots of question i wanna ask. Is he okie? Is bady okie? What about desmond? Beside laptop what are been stolen too? what about desmond? Did he lost anything? Did you make a police report? althought i think that its useless. Im so so worry about him man. But dun dare to ask this question, scare he will be angry. What should i do to remove that thought and feeling? Arghh~! Hope his alright, sure exson will take care of him. Haiz~

Ideal One

Whose my MrRight? Chinese age around 20 to 34. Stocky/Average/Fit Height around 170 to 180. Good Looking Mature Charming Cool Understanding Hardworking Knowledgeable Fun Romantic Sweet. A real man. No sister allow. Will i meet such guy in the future? Or am my expectation too high? No idea. I shall wait than. Chill~

My first time PLAYing !

WOW! Ethan went clubbing man! For the FIRST time. But all of them does not believe that this is the first time Ethan go clubbing. Why?! Do i have the face which say i'm a clubber? NO! and im been give a nick name "Club Kid" ?? what? Ah~ fine than. I will club often in the future than. Haha. No matter, really did enjoy myself and knew lots of new friends. Met up with people who i contact with for long but didn't meet at all. Had lots of fun them, funny guys, cute people, charming n cool dude. Haha. Hmm, first time in the club, dun really know how it works inside. On the dance floor, everyone are just like friends. Was hugging my friends, dancing, jumping. Cool, feels good. But shy, nearly wanting to kiss someone on the lips but i went to kiss the cheeks *blush* haha. Think thats how club is man. Haha. Im coming again~!!! Lastly, thanks Dhas for bringing mi to the club for the first time, hugs~

Beautiful? Ugly?

Everyone has a ugly n beautiful past. But we are moving on to the future, why dun we leave them at the back n be a better person. Dun stop to Love Care n Trust people like you did in the past. Cause this is the things where a HUMAN always do and never stop. Yes, people may have seen the ugly side of you but they will forgive and forget. giving you chance to change. Dun say its hard. Is this two word "Its hard" going to close every of your chance to be a better person? Do you wanna be a better guy for others? We know how tired it is to been through all that. But just need time, take step by step, dun jump into answers now. You wont know what will happen in the future. Since you have thought of being a better one, that's your motivation and more will be coming from people around you who love n care n trust you. They will give you chance to help you to stand up. Pulling you out from those dark place. Putting plaster on you to protect you from germs. Lastly, to friends, they dun need the word thanks from you but they just want to see smile on your face. So, make your day a bright n shine one. Smile^^

Gosh~ Not liking it man. Take care guys.

Fall sick now. Back home early to have my rest. Didn't see doctor, cause were too much people and quite lazy. So headed straight back home. During your ill period, who you want the most to be your at side looking after you? Your mum? Nah~ tough i love her but i want my bf to be there for mi. But looking from a different view, sometimes you will think a bit deeper. Your bf will be busy? Taking care of you, maybe will make him more busy. Rushing here and there. Take care of yourselve and maybe he will see how mature and independent you are. For sure you will feel better. Cheers

His coming!!!

ahhh! his coming! his coming singapore! what should i do? wanna take leave for the both day? wanna meet him? but he wanna meet mi? he free to meet? what im gonna say? what can i do? omg! why?! why are you coming! ahhh! help please! dunno why when receive his msg about he coming to singapore, my heart pump so fast, so so fast. omg omg. ahh! but he also say untill very busy like this, no time to meet like this. than why till wanna tell mi that you coming? aiyoyo. so nervous. erm??? but why i nervous oh? siao de mi, aiyoyo. im dying~!!! T_T

Mature.Grow up. Move on.

yun wai said the right thing. im still not mature yet. when he lonely and need mi, i cant always be there. when im lonely and need him beside mi, he cant be here too. our relationship will become like this is because distance. so why dun one of us be mature and let go. rather than being so xin ku and hurt so many time. after hearing what yun wai say, i so call woke up. than i think i will be the one to let go ba. since he always cant make a choice. than i make a move first. althought everytime imagine he with other guy will hurt mi so much. but i just can throw him out of my mind and heart. i wont bother him anymore. but maybe i wish after NS could have a chance to be together. cause no matter what happen, i still love you. but for now, heard he is sick. just hope he will take care of himself and recover. drink more water J. you will always be remembered by ethan. one day, ethan will be back for you. LOVE~

Sad, Miss You, Love You.

from sunday[28feb]morning till now, so much things happen. so much so much. now my heart is so hurt so pain. my mind is so messy, full of all stuff. found out jason betray mi again, but why? why Again? and the 3rd party was exson, i really cant imagine how they can be so lovely together. found out that yun wai and ryan knows about this long time ago had been hiding it from mi, dun wanna hurt mi? but im still being hurt now. all this really pulled my heart and body down. got weaker and weaker. had a long talk with jason on monday[1mar]midnight, but he seems tired. i have bring everything from my heart out to him. but at the end he just say im tired, need to sleep. T_T i really dun wanna drag this anymore. i wanna to go KL on 19night so i could meet him and also celebrate his birthday. but seem he doesnt want mi to go. am i really distrubing you and exson? i wanna settle things clear with you, how long you wanna hang there. just stick to one person and throw the other one away. if you really dun love mi, not interested in mi, find mi irritating. please tell mi so and i will leave your life forever. dun be afraid of hurting mi, it doesnt make any differents to mi anymore, cause im already been hurt. i dun wanna hear you saying you are far from mi, you hurt mi so much, you are not a good bf to mi. than are you a good bf to exson? so much things happen, but no matter what. i still love you. i wan you to be my bf, i know you are a good guy, you can change. i will keep on giving you chance, i wont give up on you. but i dunno why you could ren xin to do all this to mi. i dun wish you to be so fan everyday, so settle things with mi and i will leave the both of you alone. you will never see or hear ethan ng again. by the way, thanks for making ethan as my name, i love this. so please reply and dun drag. your birthday is coming, i want you to celebrate it happily with the one that you choose. thanks jason for the past, you really care and love mi and change mi to a better person. i love you so much.

DUN REMIND MI !

today went out with A & B to marina square for movie. after the movie, we went suntec for meal at justasia. than everything was ok, untill A said something while i was palying with the ice-cream. B was asking, why i make the ice-cream untill like this, than A say macam kana betray by boyfriend like this, so use the ice-cream to let the anger out. wtf man. that remind mi of everything, started to get sad. need to say that de meh, na bei. arggg!

The Meaning of Things

Moralising, a man who moralises is usually hypocrite. Tolerance, the peak of tolerance is most readily achieved by those who are not burdened with conviction.Mercy, he that spares the bad injures the good.Civility, the knowledge of courtesy is a very necessary study; like grace and beauty, it breeds mutual liking.Compromise, every human benefit, every virtue and every prudent act, is founded on compromise. Fear, if the diver always thought of the shark, he would never lay hands on the pearl.Courage, courage is a kind of salvation.Defeat, there are defeats more triumphant than victories.Sorrow, sorrow makes us all children again.Death, to die is different from what anyone supposed, and luckier.Hope, if it were not for hope, the heart would break.Perseverance, many strokes overthrow the tallest oaks.Prudence, he does well who moors his boat with two anchors.Frankness, if lie kill love, what does frankness do?Lying, the lie should be necessary to life is part and parcel of the terrible and questionable character of existence.Perjury, deceive not thy physician, confessor, or lawyer.Betrayal, all man can betray is his conscience.Loyalty, a jewel in a ten-times-barr'd-up chest is a bold spirit in a loyal breast.

T_TOfficially SingleT_T

at last got an answer from him le. yesterday call him lots of time but didnt pick up. than during midnight got a miss call and 2 msg from him. [i just back from temple. B. shall we just be friends? i just really feel like wanna be single and enjoying myself] [babe. sorry. im the one disappointed you. you didnt do anything wrong. really. and your are a good boy. night.] haiz, fine. it ends. im single now. officially single now. T_T

Ahhh !!!

today the whole day i did not sms jason at all, not a single one. untill this afternoon when im at Bedok bus stop waiting for 35 to Tanah Merah Ferry Terminal to meet my cousin. i got his message saying "i really dunno what i want and what i should do. im not a good guy". i really dunno what i can do now. i have already say i dun wanna break with him, wanna patch back and be couple again, his answer is just dunno dunno dunno. the other time he say wanna patch now say dunno, is he playing with my feeling. damn sad damn sad. cant he treat mi better and stop hurting mi. gosh~ than when i reach home, went to facebook and got to know that gavin change his status "in a relationship" WHAT?! yesterday he just said that, there is a guy who wants to date him than told mi a silly thing that happened. than now he have bf already?! i cant accept it. dunno why when i know he have bf i feel so sad, angry, jealous. than just now said nasty things to him. asking him to leave mi alone and dun contact mi anymore. but i dunno why i wanna do that to him. i felt so sad to do so. dun wanna lose him but he already belong to someone else. i really really cant accept it. suddenly felt so empty so lonely so sad. help anyone? T_T